


Reconcilement

by ackermanyaeger, Vinnulae



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Accidents, Gay Sex, Graphic Description of Corpses, Jean being a hot prick, Jearen - Freeform, M/M, Reincarnation, Smut, erejean - Freeform, thats actually a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-11-28 18:54:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11424039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackermanyaeger/pseuds/ackermanyaeger, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinnulae/pseuds/Vinnulae
Summary: You know that saying? ”You only live once.” Everyone can believe it, but Eren can prove it wrong. He's seen many things, and has the scars to prove it, what's in history books nowadays. Just when he thought he had everything, there was still something missing. And with a quick glimpse he realized he had already found it, maybe even millenia before.





	1. September 2nd, Year 854

**Author's Note:**

> ”Eren dead.” - ThatSuicidalOtaku (2017)
> 
> This fanfiction is brought to you by a great amount of tears- I mean great amount of love for this ship, fandom and topic. @ThatSuicidalOtaku is the co-author, (against their will) and deserves just as much credit. Please comment if you enjoy the first chapter :)

In Eren's last dying blinks of life, he remembers everything from the moment he came out of his mother's womb to this very last moment where he took place, lying in bed with slow steady heartbeats. All of the hardships, all of the betrayals, all of the thunders of crying, all of the losses, all of the heartbreaks. But in those last glimpses of light, he remember all the great things that have happened. All of the smiles, all of the laughters, all of the tears of joy, all of the victories, all of the love. 

There he was, the situation where no one thought they'd be in again, or ever, he was on his deathbed. He was lying there with the sunlight dying out in the windows with the hello of darkness as his breath was going out the same pace. Eren, compared to others, wasn't afraid of dying. Maybe if he was in the hands of the Titans about to be eaten, he'd feel pathetic, worthless even, but no. He was at his last moments on a bed with the people he loved next to him, holding his hand. And he felt so damn accomplished - no matter how many times he said he hated the way lives have turned out. 

He would curse his father every single day of his life for the reason he gave him his transformation skills. But then, he'd take it back, and curse himself for feeling that way. He'd grown to realize that if it weren't for anyone, or anything, he wouldn't have lived the life he lived now and he doesn't know who or where he'd be. Everything played out perfectly, he thought, everything was there for a reason and no matter how many times he hated the Titans - they gave him his strength.

Why hadn't Eren passed on by now? He was waiting. Waiting for that damn boy to come in and finally say his last words. Goddamnit, Jean. If he was able, he'd get up, find him and drag him by the ear to say his last words to his good friend, the new asset to the long standing trio but he couldn't. He just had to wait and Mikasa, along with Armin, wondered why Eren didn't let go of the pain, and well… that was why. Jean was the first thing on his mind in the morning, and he wanted that man to be the last thing on his mind before he was gone forever.

Like some sort of telepathic otherworldly being had been beckoned by Eren's internal call, the door slammed open and there stood the tall and sweaty Jean. He had definitely grown from that stubborn fifteen year old kid to the twenty three year old matured man that everyone grew to depend on. He had developed physically as well, broad shoulders, grew lanky as if he wanted to touch the sky, and his face quickly shed any remaining baby fat, necking much more chiseled. Maybe as the years had gone by, Eren started to fall for him. At least - that was Jean's hypothesis which led to a punch in the arm and laughter between the group. 

"-Fucking hell, finally." Eren muttered and rolled his eyes, causing the other three to chuckle. Jean walked to the side of bed with his lips folded, staring at Eren's waxy, pale umber body. The taller male turned to the others to question them and they both nodded to let him know, that, yes this was really it. He turned back to the other and let out a nasally chuckle through his nose. 

"You look like shit," He spoke humbly, crouching next to the other's side. Eren turned to Jean, looking him in straight into the watery flaxen orbs, then letting his eyes travel across his panic stricken face. 

"You look even worse, Kirschtein," He muttered and shakily lifted his hand up. Jean caught it by the fingers and gently held it. The two had always bickered, both as enemies and friends, even in the last seconds their lives. Jean thought it was something only Eren could do, he wasn't afraid anyway.

Eren sighed as Jean brought the other's hand to his stubbled jaw and chin. His thumb gently stroking the skin of the other and it had just hit him that this would be the last time he touched him. "Are you afraid?" Jean spoke up.

Slowly the others came by, Armin on the opposite side with Eren's other hand, holding on to it and murmuring soft and undoubtedly comforting yet unintelligible words. Mikasa came behind Jean, resting her hand on his back and rubbing ever so gently as they all stared at their Eren. He felt so on the spot, he didn't know what to say. He just faced the ceiling.

"You're asking me?" He left out a huff through his nose as a signal of laughter, "I'm not afraid for myself, since I've done all I've wanted to do the best I could. I'm just afraid for others; how they'll be, if we'll ever get rid of the Titans, if you guys will get to see the ocean," He was blinking hazily now. His time was coming closer.

"Eren, you-you've done enough. It's your turn for peace... and to be at rest; so don't leave worrying about us-" Tears suddenly sprung from Jean eyes, his nose running, he was crying hard now. Who wouldn't be? This kid, this boy, this man had contributed so much for everyone. He wasn't doing it for the fame, for the name, or the legacy like others; he was doing it for his mother and the soldiers who deserved many more years than they were given. He was doing it with the strength from the fiery passion that burned oh so brightly from inside of him, inside of his very soul, his very being. And Jean was so inspired by the damn bastard, much more than he'd ever care to admit.

"Don't cry, Jean. It's makes you look weak…" Eren said softly and looked down at him. Jean had covered his rosy face from the other and sniffed, shoulders shaking. There arguably wasn't a dry eye in the room now. Armin had turned away and Mikasa's face had reduced to a sobbing mess. "You guys- stop, please. You'll all realize it was meant to be and you'll fight on, Jean you'll be the leader you were meant to be and.. and-"

Jean cut him off, "I got it, okay? I understand.. I promise, Jaeger." He inhaled deeply, breathing becoming ragged. 

Now was the part that no one was prepared for. Not even Eren. Sure, nobody was or ever could be, but he thought he would be able to get through it and maybe since things were said and everything was settled, he be able to leave without a scar. But no, he was only leaving more open wounds and it would be that way for a while. He just hoped the inevitable would never happen, here came death. People care and they leave soon.

Eren wasn't ready now. It seemed like there was more things to do than just lay there and wait till his time had ticked it’s very last toc. Maybe he wasn't accomplished, maybe he was actually afraid. He didn't eliminate the Titans, or learn to read, or fall into a love that was two-way, but he did live. He guessed it was the best he could get, and now he was faintly smiling even with a tear strolling down his cheeks. 

"Sacrifices were made and I've lived one hell of a life." 

He saw from the corner of his hovering eyelids, Jean stood from his position and reached over to Eren's forehead, pushing back his long brunet bangs and Eren felt the warmth of hot lips on his forehead. He wish he could reply but his body was far too weak now and he wished he could hear the soft whispers Jean spoke against his skin, but he was incapable of doing anything. He sat there gazing languidly at the blurry figures next to him, unwilling to let himself close his eyes for the last time. And everyone couldn't help but feel that as Eren's body was finally at rest, the sun had set and would never rise again. Maybe he really was the light of day. 

Finally, his bright ocean eyes closed, lashes fluttering shut, to never open up again.


	2. November 30th, Year 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren starts having weird dreams. Wonder what about.

The screaming he heard. The crying of his comrades. The stomping of his feet. The dry taste in his mouth. The blood that covered the every inch land of where he was. Where was he? He lifted his head up; he was in a forest. Pine trees surrounded him, fire lighting up the scenery, showcasing shadows casted by the woodland. And hung like pretty, little decadent ornaments on a Christmas tree, his friends. Lifeless, cold, pale, dead.

Levi was hanging by his left foot, it was definitely broken. His eyes rolled up into his skull. Blood dripped - bead like- from his mouth down his chin. He was so pale- oh so pale, but the only colors on his face were blooming red and purple bruises that settled on his cheeks like floral decor.

Mikasa was lying on the ground. Her insides had been jumbled up, churned around and spat back out: they spilt out of her abdomen, a bloody mess. Her eyes were open, but they were staring at Eren, fish like and gaping. It was the type of scene where you wanted to look away but you couldn't. He wanted to cry, honestly.

Armin was nowhere to be found which distressed Eren greatly, because of the lingering fact that he could have been eaten. Eaten...? By who, by what? He just couldn't seem to grasp anything that had been happening and why it was happening to him. He wanted to scream, loud and filled with the confusion, conflict and characteristic anger. But that wasn't it just yet.

He turned, pivoted on his heel in fact, and there he was. Jean Kirschtein. He was standing there, seemed healthy enough, eyes still vibrant- that's if Eren had stopped the gleaming sword that was shoved through his chest, violently, right to his heart. Eren screamed, running towards the man and placing his hand on the other's chest. His heavy breathing made shivers run down his spine. He tried to stop the crimson life force draining but he just couldn't- couldn't stop staring in the other male's tear-filled eyes, staring into his soul. 

Then he snapped. Eren shot up, screaming bloody murder, frantically panting - out of breath - as he grabbed the cloth over his heart. He sat up in a more comfortable position, back arched as he continued to press a hand over his own heavily beating organ, another brushing loose strands of hair behind his ears. It just- it felt so real, he could've swore it really happened. It was just a dream... just a dream... At least, that's what he told himself.

Eren tiptoed against the creaky wood floor of the one story house his mother worked so hard to keep in their name, which was the best they could get. He gently pushed the cracked door open across the hall and looked in. There was his dainty mother laying on the small queen size bed, only a single sheet over her legs. She was on her back, head tilted to the side with the light from the window painting her face with luminescent glow that defined the gauntness of her obviously beautiful features. She looked so peaceful, he thought.

He walked in as silently as possible, but alas, as his foot pressed down on the floor, it gave a loud groan under his weight (not that there was a whole lot of it, he was mostly just long limbs) and he winced. His mother shot up from her bed, startled and sleepily unaware that it was her son. She finally came to realization and calmed down. "Eren, you scared me..." She spoke in the softest tone, it was like warm honey and a warm spring day, which Eren knew could easily lull him into sleep anytime.

"Sorry, ma, I just... had a really bad dream," He sighed and leaned against the cool wall.

She sighed, "Well- you're okay now, dear. Do you need anything else?" 

He looked to his feet and folded his lips. She couldn't help but smile and watch him, her creation- the being she had made and raised on her own stood so broadly and was now starting to lead his own pack. But he was still the soft-hearted child she nurtured with love and care. "Could I sleep with you? It's just... I don't want to be alone," 

His mother looked up at him sympathetically, knowing the exact feeling, and pulled up the sheet. Eren made his way to the other side of rickety bed, hopping in and scooting into the warm covers. He stretched a little before grabbing a free pillow to hold to his chest. His mother, contently watching him, gently brought her nimble fingers to his forehead and brushed his dark bangs, causing him to flinch ever so slightly. She combed his decidedly untameable hair out of his eyes and behind his ear, finally placing a gentle, sweet kiss to the back of his skull.

"You know, Eren, you're turning eighteen soon," She murmured softly, moving to lean on her back, "don't you think you're a bit to old to be sleeping with your mother?" She let out a soft, melodious laugh through her nose.

"Maybe," He smiled softly. 

"That's okay. I’ll protect you, but I don't want to ruin your masculinity - so I won't tell, promise." She smiled faintly, letting out a mellow sigh. Gently, she rubbed her thumb against his shoulder, "Goodnight Eren, I love you.."

Eren had slowly drifted asleep to his mother's familiar murmurs and could only let out a mumbled, "... you too..." 

The next day, Eren woke up to a cold, empty bed, his mother's previously selected attire that she had set out on the end of the bed was gone, only leaving the bare hangers in its place. She must've been in a rush. When was she not? He got up: opened the window, but kept the lock on it to make sure no one could get through, made the bed and hung up the aforementioned discarded hangers. He walked down the stairs to the admittedly cramped kitchenette to find a few dirty dishes in the sink and a note on the countertop:

"Eren, I scheduled an appointment at 4:00 with your therapist concerning the dream you had. I'll be home at 8:30 (hopefully). Have an amazing day, - love mom."

He smiled softly and mentally thanked her, then went to the bathroom to shower for school.

"It was fucking weird, man. The dreams.. they're usually not that bloody, I'm tellin' you." Eren sighed, running his long fingers through his chocolatey hair as he rested himself on the table. Eren didn't bring up the part where he held Jean up so he wouldn't die right in front of him. The horse face would tease him, most likely.

Jean finally took a long drag from his cigarette and flicked it to the side, smashing his foot down on it to smother the dying embers. He hummed in disapproval, leaning his head back up, "What do you think it means?" He turned to face Eren now.

"Oh well gee- I don't know, fuckin’ death?" He looked at him dumbfounded, "God, I'm such a psycho-" 

Jean quickly spoke up, "Eren, you are not a psycho. You ain’t goin’ crazy, you aren’t insane." He rubbed his friend's shoulder, causing the other to flinch. "It's just... maybe these dreams are a sign or something, I dunno. You can probably tell the future?"

"That's great to know my friend's will die right in front of my eyes. Thanks Einstein."

"Fuck off, I'm tryn’a help." Jean grunted. "Just, like, talk about it with your therapist and everything. Maybe take melatonin to help you sleep better."

Eren sighed and rubbed his forehead with his palm, folding his lips and nodding, "Yeah, yeah, thank you Jean." 

Jean moved his hand, standing up and stretching his arms. He picked up his backpack, "I'm heading to the cinema with Marco, if you want to come, before your appointment?" He held his hand out, Eren took it and pulled himself up from the bench.

"Nah, I have to pick ‘Kasa up from soccer." He lied. He did not enjoy going out with Jean and Marco. With just Jean, his best friend, yes. But with his boyfriend, it was just awkward. It was awkward being the third-wheel, it was awkward being there while Marco continuously flirted with Jean during the entire movie and he just has to sit there and huff, or toss popcorn at them which causes Jean and Eren to argue- fight- and eventually punch each other. Then it's hell, and they get kicked out, all because of Marco's stupid pickup lines.

"Suit yourself. Text me how it goes." He fist-bumped Eren's knuckles and dashed off, away from the multipurpose room and to the parking lot for his gleaming pride n’ joy pickup truck. Eren walked the opposite way, down the winding halls to the East Wing holding room 109, and he walked in, tossing his backpack to the side of the whiteboard, then sat on the desk.

"Levi."

"Jaeger." 

"You know you can call me Eren. It's after school." He chuckled and laid across the desk in the front row. 

"But we’re still on campus. Which means I am still your teacher. Off the desk, I don’t need your teenager germs and bodily fluids all over it." Levi flipped the paper he was marking over and used his infamous red pen to draw a fabulous F, 34/80 in a circle above the name. Eren pulled the chair out and sat.

"You suck, Levy."

"And you swallow." Eren giggled giddily. 

"What did you come in for?" The french teacher asked, not bothering to look up and continued on with his grading. Eren sighed, and opened his mouth to speak but when the door opened and he groaned. Principle Smith was at the door, his golden hair swept back but looking a little warm in the suit he was wearing. Levi jerked his head up and Eren saw pink flush into his teacher's alabaster cheeks.

Erwin- er, Principle Smith cleared his throat and moved himself to hold the door open. "Hello, Mr. Jaeger. Do you mind if Levi and I have a moment?" 

Eren shook his head and hopped off the desk, leaning down and swinging his backpack over his shoulder and walking over to the door as Erwin walked in. He took his two fingers and saluted with a raise of the eyebrows, then closed the door, leaving the two campus employees by themselves. He sighed once he was outside and alone again. Might as well go for his appointment. He tapped his phone to check the time; 3:40. He walked towards the parking lot, going to hop in his small Volkswagen that he saved up to buy from a junkyard and worked on, then drove out. Once he had gotten out of the neighborhood roads through the busy streets and to the freeway, he cruised carefully. 

For Eren, driving was simple. He wasn't a speed racer. He didn't go below the limit. He stayed at a good speed. He’d never been in an accident while driving himself to places. But he has seen plenty of them on the side while he's been driving. Scaling from major to minor. He would try to help in anyway possible if there wasn’t a crowd of people there already. And well, he's never seen a person whom he's cared for in a terrible incident.

Until now.

Eren stopped his car a half a mile away from the crash immediately after he saw Jean's prized pick up truck flipped over, battered and the 2017 graduate sticker. He slammed the door quickly, dialing 911 as quick as he could and darted his way over to Jean's truck as fast as his skinny jeans would let him. The larger truck that was been apart of the collision had driven into a four foot wall and was totaled in the front. The man whose face was scraped, arm bleeding had dashed to save the driver and passenger as quick as he could, but Eren couldn't help but want to scream and cry and punch him in the face, even if it wasn't the man's fault. 

Once Eren reached them, he could see him on the driver's side, trying to unbuckle Jean's limp body and carefully pull him out from the wrecked car. Eren's job was to get Marco, that's right. He hurried to the other side, but before he was about to see full view, he could smell the eerily familiar scent of fresh blood. It was morbid and strong as he felt like he'd inhaled it more than a dozen of times. He got over, crouching down and tugging roughly on the jammed door to pull it out but when he did, he saw Marco's body, like expected but yet he wasn't prepared for this.

His back was arched forward - more than it should have been capable of and his large, mocha eyes wide open. Eren scrambled for his wrist and felt his thumb around the visible veins from his freckled skin. No pulse. God fucking damnit. Eren was going to lose it. This felt so fake but so real at the same time, he couldn't think straight. Why did it feel like deja-vu? 

The ambulance had arrived shortly after and had pulled Jean up and onto a stretcher. He had just been coming to as they pulled him into the vehicle, Eren was the first he saw. It was awfully difficult for him to speak due to the amount of blood he’d lost, and all he could sputter out was a Marco’s name. The paramedics were checking Marco just before he covered by police that had been called by another bystander. A few policemen stood outside the caution tape to motion the traffic while Eren stood behind. He was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. He didn't know if he was upset with himself, furious with the man who they had crashed with, or frustrated with the gawking civilians because this was not a goddamn soap opera! Every time someone stuck their head out of the window to look at it, he wanted to flip them off and tell them to get a fucking life. But at the same time, he didn't know what was keeping him there either.

At the hospital Jean had been taken to, in the downtown area nearby a few community colleges, the employees who worked the reception area and front desks had come up to Eren every half hour to ask him if he'd like to go for a walk with a nurse instead of pacing the waiting room. And every time they asked, Eren would glare at them, but give them a soft look of reassurance and then thank them for the offer. But the women still watched him as he either sat or stared out the window to pass time until he could be updated. Other than being unable to get ahold of Jean's mother, who was in a few towns over trying to put houses out to offer but still left dozens of calls and messages, he called Mikasa, Armin, and Levi. Those three were the closest to Eren and Jean both, and he knew that inviting others would cause a huge, uneeded ruckus.

Once the three others who had been contacted came in, a whole lot of questions were asked and many were answered. Eren told them the story about what had happened - or that he knew of at least- as they all sat down together in the waiting room.

"Have you called his mom yet?" Armin questioned, worried.

"I have, but she hasn't answered. I don't know what to do. Should I call his dad?" He looked at everyone for reassurance.

"His dad isn't going to be able to do anything from all the way in Manhattan. We just have to wait for Ms. Kirschtein to call back." Mikasa said softly, looking to the side. Eren gazed at her for a  
moment and never really noticed that even with all of Jean's innuendoes and antics, no matter how irritated she could get, she still cared for him. He was sure a lot of people did. But he couldn't think of anyone caring for Jean more than Eren could ever.

"How... how about Marco..?" Armin whispered, Eren felt the sting in every word. He looked up at Eren and knew when he looked into his eyes, he didn't know what to do.

"Armin, I don't know. I don't know if his mother has been contacted or anything... probably... but I can't think straight...I'm sorry." Eren said and sniffed, rubbing his nose with his sleeve. 

"Hey kid," Levi called to Eren softly, causing him to look up quickly, "It's not your fault. Don't say sorry. It was... a big accident.. and sometimes even accidents cost." He said and crossed his arms. 

"Oh-okay." He nodded and brushed the hair out of his face, slouching back in his uncomfortable seat. 

For the next hour and a half, the four sat around. It was especially rare for them to speak more than two sentences but they did talk a little. The quietest was Eren. He couldn't stop thinking. No matter what another said or did, he just never stopped staring off in space. That silence was abruptly cut off when in through the doors came the man that ‘caused’ the accident. Eren shot up and Mikasa took hold of his arm. She got up with him as they started to march over to him at Eren's speed where he stood in front of the man.

The man of course recognized him and immediately pulled off his hat. "Are you a brother of him- Jean Kirschtein?" 

"Me..? No, I'm his friend. Why are you here?" Eren snapped, tightening his fists.

"Oh... I came here as soon as I found out what happened with the boy. I wanted to apologize.. Eren, is it?"

Eren only stared sharply at the man, but no matter how bold he seemed, he was on the verge of tears.

"I am so very sorry about your friend and Marco Bodt. This will forever tear at me and I have nothing else to say but that I am sorry and that I wish the best for the both of them." The man said, holding his hands in front of him and closing his eyes. Then he pulled a small slip of paper from his flannel pocket with an email and phone number written on it. 

"Please give this to Mr. Kirschtein or Mrs Kirschtein to contact me for whatever expenses I can help with. He will- the two both will be in my prayers. I'll- get going." He said, placing the card in Eren's hand and turned to walk out. But before he was out of sight, Eren's sniffling was heard over his footsteps and Eren murmured, "Th.. ank.. you." He sniffed, turning around to the seats as the man left. 

A few hours had passed and they were still sitting around and waiting. Eren was becoming more and more impatient as seconds went by, foot tapping, fist clenching, teeth gritting. He did know what else to do. He was getting tired as well, it had just turned nine o'clock. Eren's phone rang and he picked it up as quick as he could. 

Mom  
9:03 pm:  
Eren? Where are you? 

He sighed, messaging his mother back.

Eren  
9:05 pm:  
at a hospital downtown. there was a car accident and jean is in the hospital. ill come home when i can. i can't leave him, please.

He placed his phone down and waited till it went off again for him to glance at it.

Mom  
9:08 pm:  
Please, just be safe. I hope the best for Jean. I love you. 

He cleared out the message and sighed. Mikasa glanced over at him while he stared down at his lap, reaching over to his hand. She brought it to her cheek and contently held it. Mikasa would usually do stuff like this for the boy whenever he was sad, ever since they were little. She was like the big sister Eren never had, but got to spend his years with. Eren glanced at her and laid his head on her shoulder.

"Why do I feel like I did it, Mika?" He closed his eyes.

"I don't know, but you have to know that you didn't do it. It's just... a mishap." She whispered, he opened his eyes.

"Maybe.. if I went, things would've-"

"You would've been hurt. Or worse." 

He sighed sadly, "Right, sorry." 

"You need some rest. I can tell you didn't get enough sleep last night." She brushed his hair back, which surprisingly reminded him of his mother in the most oddest of ways. Or maybe it was just girls in general.

"Yeah, probably. Make sure you wake me up if something happens with Jean, please." He almost sounded desperate. 

"Of course Eren, I promise." She looked into his eyes sympathetically but he almost felt pathetic. Like he couldn't contain himself naturally.

Eren leaned over a little more against Mikasa's shoulder and took his jacket he had across his chest. He crossed his arms and closed his eyes again, letting himself rest there. Although his eyes were shut, his mind wasn’t. He couldn't stop thinking about what happened, what he saw, what he felt. He couldn't stop thinking about, if maybe it was him in Marco's spot - some things would be different. Would he rather not live a life seeing Jean be hurt, or in despair? And this- this had to be saying a lot... 

When Eren opened his eyes again, he was not in the hospital waiting room. He was not lying against Mikasa. He was not in front of Armin and Levi speaking about school work. He was not in the hospital at all. Nor was he at his home, or in his car, or on the school campus. It was a log cabin that he was in, a single candle light surrounding him and the other figure in the room with a warm, dull light. 

Jean was sitting across from Eren at a wooden table, the taper off to the right of him. He was resting on his elbows which were crossed and his head leaned in. As Eren looked at him, he realized that Jean was a seventeen year old boy, slight acne and scruff. It was an older version of Jean, young twenties, slightly longer hair combed to the side a bit, bulkier shoulders that were hugged by the khaki jacket on his back. His face was more defined; sharper jaw, longer face, you could tell how much sleep the man got every night.  
Eren stared at him, "I don't know anymore, Eren. It's so... hard not to worry and I don't know when my next breath is going to be my last. I'm trying all I can do protect your sister, that, I'm not even thinking of protecting myself sometimes and-"

"Jean?" Eren murmured. 

"Yeah?"

"Just breath. If you can't do that, then I can predict your last already."

Jean let out a guffaw of laughter through his nose. "Goddamnit Eren." He chuckled. 

"I'm just saying, you have to stay calm. Even if it's hard. But for Mikasa? Just know she's going to be okay. You too. I, even squad Levi, plan to make sure that all of you guys are okay. Promise." Eren said, staring at Jean for the time he could while the other rolled his head around to distract himself. Jena rubbed the back of his neck, sighing.

"I guess, yeah." He looked back up at Eren and gave him a stare in the eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

There was a giddy, butterfly sort of feeling in the pit of Eren's stomach. Was it his excitement? Or was he just worried of what was to be asked? Surely, anyone being asked questions - "Can I ask you something?" - it was a drop-dead feeling, like something drastic was about to happen. But for Eren's cause, it wasn't too major, to his disappointment.

"Do you.. do you think that, I don't know, maybe we were meant for something else?" Jean asked, eyebrows shaping the curiosity in the question.

"By something else, you mean?" 

"Another chance?" He said, gesturing his hand, "Like, maybe we're meant to go somewhere when we pass away." 

Eren tapped his chin. "Well, my parents weren't too religious, but I grew up believing in a heaven or hell," He replied, "But that didn't stop me from believing in, like, another life." 

"My mother wasn't either, and she always told me if I did terrible things, I'd go to a terrible place. But I don't really believe it, at the moment. I feel like something will happen to me, and maybe I'll wake up as a girl in another time or I'll meet you guys again but that's that." Jean said softly and maybe Eren fell in love with Jean's words even more. 

"Yeah, I can agree." He said, looking at his folded arms on the table. "I hope I get to live another life with you guys again. I don't know who I'd be without you." He smiled softly.

Jean reached over and used his large but surprisingly gentle hand above his head to ruffle Eren's hair. He was smiling, Jean was smiling his infamous smile that people could think was normal, or okay, but Eren maybe, kind of loved. And he couldn't remember the last time he saw that smile, or remember if he did since joining this hellhole that brought them together on a night like this. But it was there, and Eren watched him with his own smile on his face as he reached to move his hand away with a chuckle. 

"Eren, you're so philosophical." He removed his hand from the other's head of locks. Eren looked up at him and smiled faintly. Jean stood up, "I'm going to head to bed. But, uh, thank you for waking up in the middle of the night.. to talk to me about that stuff. I really needed it." He nodded to him.

Eren nodded back, "Of course, that's what I'm here for." 

"Right." Jean chuckled, rubbing the back of his head, "Well, goodnight Eren. Don't stay up too late."

Eren stood once he saw Jean starting to walk away, "Jean- wait." 

The other turned on his heel, like he was expecting to be called again, and looked at him. "Yeah, Eren?"

The words couldn't leave Eren lips for some reason. He wanted to say something, he knew he wanted to. He knew what to say but he felt as if he was choking on nothing. Stuttering embarrassingly, he sighed, "Never mind, I'll tell you another time."

Jean nodded and smiled, walking his way out of the hall. He left Eren there, candle nearby his hand as he leaned and blew out the flame. But he stood there in the dark, unable to realize what was going on around him until a few moments or even what seemed hours of the slumber. And nobody would believe him, nor would he believe himself what he'd witnessed or remembered. He remembered his life, thousands of years before this time. 

Eren was woken up to Mikasa's slight nudging as she sat up. He couldn't hear much, or see much, until he rubbed his eyes and sat up quickly, startling the others a bit.

"Eren? Did you hear?" Armin said in a whispered shout to him.

"What?"

"Jean's going to be okay, we can visit him." Eren's eyes snapped open. 

"W-what?" He quickly jumped off his seat, Mikasa unable to get ahold of him. He was so unaware of the nurse he nearly knock to the ground as he frantically looked around. The hall, that's where he's at. Eren started to jog slightly as he heard the nurse shout, "Sir, please keep calm. Mr. Kirschtein is still a bit dazed!" But he couldn't help but dash to the room.

A sighing nurse had just walked out of the doorway with a tray with a small meal in hand as Eren slipped past. He came up to the opening, hand holding himself on the frame and he looked in. To his surprise, he was probably expecting Jean to look hot in the hospital bed with his scars. But as he lay there, eyes soft and weary, hands on his head leaned away, Eren felt himself lose his composure as he walked in, staring at the limp figure in front of him. 

"Jean..?" He said softly. 

"J..aeger..?" Jean croaked. 

Eren walked closer to the side of the bed. His ran his hand along the cold plastic railing and held it. He stared down at the other. Once Jean saw that he was really there, he closed his eyes again.

"Are you okay?" 

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be.." Jean sniffed and rubbed his nose. Eren folded his lips. There was a small chair in the corner of the room which he pulled out and dragged to the side of the bed. He reached out, placing a hand on Jean's, sighing softly.

"Jean.. I, uh, remember some things.." Eren spoke up. Jean's attention turned to Eren, his head tilted to the other and eyes slightly opened in what seemed to be curiousity, "I don't know if this is going to sound crazy but.. I think my dreams means something, like you said. And I don't know about you.. but please tell me," Eren looked down at his lap which held his free, yet clenched hand. 

"Do you remember... a long time ago.. a specific night where you and I sat in the Mess Hall at night, talking about your worries and about another life?" Eren spoke softly. He was slightly shaking, either from the anxiety over Jean's health, which thank the lord that he was okay, or what was about to be said next.

Jean became silent. Seemed like he was more quiet than before. He just laid there, slightly up rested and looking towards at the board ahead on the wall containing his information or the panels on the ceiling. Hazily staring at nothing specific because he was clueless and had no idea what to say but Eren knew that he knew exactly what he was talking about. 

"Jean, answer me." 

Jean licked his cracked and chapped lips and nodded, sniffing softly. "That was the first thing I remembered while I was out," He let out a groggy reply, "I remember that day, the first day I joined, and when I opened my eyes before I went to sleep again, it was like I was watching Marco's death on repeat, Eren." 

"In this life, or the- our old one?" Eren questioned, scooting in closer.

"The old one. It was so fucking bloody and I just don't even remember how I survived in that life." Jean turned his head to Eren, "It was like your dreams. It all makes sense now."

Eren swallowed on the gathering of saliva in his mouth and nodded. "Yeah.. I just-" He coughed and sniffed, becoming and feeling more pathetic about their state of consciousness. "I'm glad you're okay, and I'm okay in this life again. Am I right, Jean?" He smiled weakly, tears gathering in his teal eyes.

Jean turned back to the ceiling and let out a heavy sigh, closing his hazel eyes once again. "Right, Eren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ThatSuicidalOtaku here.  
> This took me SO LONG TO EDIT. Ackermanyaegers grammar could choke you.


End file.
